Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3) Read online

  “Hang on, Carlee wants to talk to you.”

  “Hey,” Carlee said. “Can you help me with something?”

  “Wow! You sound good! Sure, whatever you need,” Geni said with a happy voice.

  “I feel pretty good, I think. Might be the drugs; looks like there are two new different bags hanging on the IV pole. Can you please go in my closet and find my bag? I’m pretty sure it’s on the floor. My book is in there; can you bring it with you, please?”

  Matthew looked at her and smiled; he knew why she wanted it.

  “We’ll be on our way soon,” Geni told her.

  After he hung up the phone, she lay back into the pillow. “Wow, that wore me out.”

  “Just lay there and rest,” and she did so quietly for a few minutes.

  She settled into the pillows and closed her eyes. “I want to tell you about my mama; I felt like she was here to comfort me. She was with me as I prayed. I think I woke up; I’m not sure - that’s when I knew you were here. I was scared, and I remember praying that everything will be OK. I felt her love surround me.”

  She started to cry, and Matthew leaned forward to wipe her tears. He rested his elbows on the bed so that he could see her face and said, “Tell me your prayers, Carlee.”

  Her tears became more, and they came quicker. “That nothing will change; that you would still love me, and that we will have children someday.”

  “Carlee, why would you think I wouldn’t love you?”

  “Because I’m afraid of the road ahead of us,” she blubbered.

  “It’s a road we’ll travel together. Carlee, I love you so much that sometimes I can’t wait to be wherever you are, can’t concentrate because I just want to be with you. Like last night, Mom fixed a bite to eat, and after I’d called Hatchet the third time, I decided that nothing could keep me away from you. I wanted to be the first person you saw when you opened your eyes, not some doctor, not Hatchet. It’s all going to be OK, you promised me, remember?”

  He rested his head on the bed beside her, and she reached to him, softly combing her fingers through his hair. “I love you, Carlee. That’s something you can carve in stone and believe forever.”

  Hatchet peeked in and saw them; she tried to imagine their fears. She wished she could reassure them that it would all be OK. She knew that the ordeal with Beth’s health weighed heavy on Carlee’s heart and mind. She wanted to let them be, but she couldn’t by-pass this check on her, these follow-ups were too important. She tapped on the door and entered. As she passed through the door, a quote that she’d heard before came to mind. She made a mental note to share it with Carlee.

  Matthew stepped out for a moment to grab a cup of coffee, and Hatchet got to work.

  “You doing OK, missy?”

  “Mmm hmm, I guess,” Carlee, replied wistfully.

  “I know you’re frightened. Don’t let it consume you. I heard this once before, and as I stepped in the door just now it came to me, and I thought of you. To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest.

  “I like that; who said it?” Carlee asked thoughtfully.

  “Oh, you know, one’a them ‘author unknown’ or ‘anonymous’ things,” she smiled down at Carlee as she continued her work. “You shine, my dear, and you have to keep that shine on…”

  “You’d have been a good mom, Hatchet.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy was getting ready, and Geni slipped in the closet to get the book. She looked at the beat-up copy and felt a lump in her throat. She slipped it in her bag and was standing at the dresser looking at one of their wedding pictures that Carlee had displayed as Andy came looking for her.

  “You ready?” Geni asked him.

  “I am,” he said, “I’m ready to see my girl.”

  “I just talked to her; she sounds good.”

  “Let’s go,” he said.

  ~ ~ ~

  Matthew hurried back to Carlee’s room, not wanting her to be alone. When he entered, Hatchet was still with her.

  “Just as well you slipped out; I had some business to do with the drain. We’ll change the bandage later, when Doc comes by again.” Carlee was looking the opposite direction, not wanting to observe any part of that experience. “It’s all good,” Hatchet said and patted Carlee’s shoulder. “I’ll see you again in a bit.”

  “Mom just sent a text; they’re on their way. I think she’s going home for a few days. They are running out of clothes, and your Papa ain’t goin’ nowhere…” he smiled.

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy and Geni entered the room quietly. Carlee was dozing again. Matthew rose to hug his mom as Andy leaned to kiss Carlee’s cheek. He sat in the chair beside the bed. When she stirred, he took her hand. “Hey, sweetheart. You look good,” he told her.

  “In a strange Medusa kind of way,” she said with a snicker, referring to the hoses from her head and nose. She saw the concern and tried to reassure him. “I’m OK, Papa.”

  Geni leaned to kiss her cheek and slipped the book in the drawer of the table so she could get to it when she was ready.

  “What have they told you?” Andy asked, anxiously.

  Geni watched him and could see him attempting to show his brave face. She’d learned early on that their relationship was very important to them both; a bond that grew from their losses. She smiled, watching him talking with Carlee.

  “Not a lot, really,” Matthew replied. “Basically that she’s not to move much; they have her on mild pain medicine…”

  Carlee saw Andy’s face, “It doesn’t hurt, Papa.”

  He squeezed her hand, and Matthew continued. “Her vitals are good…”

  “Yes they are,” Hatchet said entering the room. “And we take those readings every fifteen minutes or so.” She looked around the room and turned to Carlee. “Doc’s on his way with the oncologist. You’ll like her.”

  She got busy getting things in order for the doctors’ arrival. Finally, there was a knock on the door and Dr. Lincoln entered, along with a tall willowy woman with short dark hair wearing a white coat.

  “Well,” Dr. Lincoln said, “you look wonderful!”

  “I feel pretty good. I’m surrounded by love. Life is good.” Carlee said.

  She is one of the most upbeat patients I’ve ever met. Not one ‘poor me’ moment since I met her, Dr. Lincoln thought.

  “Carlee, this is Tamara Isaacs; she’s the oncologist on our team. She’s going to talk to you about treatment, but I wanted to talk to you first. What we removed is probably something that has been there for quite a while, and the fact that it has grown is what brought on the symptoms that led you to us. The pressure, swelling, and position of the tumor caused those nasty headaches and nausea.”

  “Oncologist. I see. Will there be radiation or chemotherapy?” she asked.

  “Dr. Isaacs will go over that. We need a few minutes; can the rest of you excuse us a moment? Danni will let you know when we’re done.”

  ~ ~ ~

  “First, we’d like to try the water again and see how you do,” Dr. Lincoln said. He eased the bed up a bit and brought the cup to her lips. Again, as soon as the liquid trickled down her throat she began to gag.

  “OK,” he said, “Let’s try this.” Dr. Isaacs handed him a small container of a gold liquid, and he gave it to her to try. “This is thickened apple juice.”

  She was able to tolerate it, and slowly downed the contents.

  “This is good,” Dr. Lincoln said.

  “Yes, it was,” Carlee said in reply.

  ~ ~ ~

  Matthew, Andy, and Geni were out of the room for about twenty minutes when the nurse opened the door. “You can come back in now.”

  When they entered, both the drain tube from her head and the NG tube were gone. Carlee had a washcloth, wiping her face.

  “The Medusa has departed,” she said with a smile. “Only one hose to go, and he said ‘not yet,’” Carlee said thum
bing the direction of Dr. Lincoln and he smiled. Everyone settled in to hear what was next.

  Dr. Lincoln spoke first. “Everything looks good. I expected so, but we never know. We’ll keep the steroids, nausea, and pain meds going by IV a bit longer.”

  He turned to speak directly to Carlee. “I’m leaving you in Dr. Isaacs’s capable hands for now. Carlee, I would only leave you in the best care. I’ll check on you again later.”

  After he was gone, Carlee introduced everyone. “Dr. Isaacs,” Carlee said. “This is my husband, Matthew, his mom, Geni Davis, and my papa, Andy Stevens.”

  “Please Carlee, call me Tamara. Nice to meet you all. Andy Stevens…?”

  “Yes,” he said, and smiled, “that Andy Stevens.”

  “Well, if you happen to do any serenading for Carlee at all while you’re here, someone call me please. I’m a fan,” she laughed.

  Pleasant - good so far, Carlee thought.

  “Here’s the plan based on what I’ve seen. The tumor we removed was in the area closest to the part of the brain that controls movement and balance. That’s what brought on those massive waves of nausea, and as Dr. Lincoln explained, the pressure is what caused those headaches. We did not find any cancer, so we won’t be doing chemotherapy. I will be putting you through a good round of radiotherapy, strong beams of energy, to your head. You may hear this referred to as radiation in the U.S. - it’s the same thing,” she told them. Looking around the room, she saw the expressions on their faces, full of concern and fear.

  “We’ll do more tests to see exactly where to concentrate the beam, and there are some other preliminary things to get you ready. The radiotherapy will consist of small doses Monday through Friday for about a month, maybe six weeks, maybe more; we’ll play it by ear based on your response. We’ll do it right here at Royal. The weekend will be for you to rest up for the next week. It won’t be painful, and it will only take about half-hour or so. The first two questions I’m usually asked are about nausea and hair loss…”

  “Dr. T,” Carlee said and everyone laughed. “I am very knowledgeable of these side effects. I’ve been involved with the Cancer Foundation in the U.S. since I was eight years old. My hair doesn’t concern me.” Matthew squeezed her hand. “What I do want to know is what else to expect – all of it - don’t hold anything back. I want to know. Everything.”

  “The radiotherapy will zap you of energy and make you feel very tired. Some experience this soon; some are able to tolerate it better. You may experience some skin burning that will feel much like sunburn. You may have bloating, and you may experience some swallowing issues, similar to a sore throat. Nausea is different in each patient. We’ll just have to see. You won’t be allowed to drive for at least a year because of the balance problem. We need to make sure that’s completely under control. And for a while you cannot be left alone, at all. I exaggerate only a tad when I say privacy in the restroom will be limited. It’s the balance thing; we just don’t want you falling.”

  She looked at Andy and Geni, then back to Carlee; “I know your family is stateside - you won’t be flying anywhere for a while. That flight is too long, too risky,” she explained.

  “Carlee, since you asked, I’ll lay it all out, up front, so there are no surprises. This type of tumor can come back. We will monitor that every step of the way during your treatment and going forward. I’ll see you on a regular basis for a while.” She paused before continuing. “There’s also the possibility of infertility. It’s nothing carved in stone, but I like to let you know the possibilities. Studies show that the radiation can affect fertility, even if it’s not concentrated near the ovaries and uterus. If you did become pregnant, it would be treated as a high-risk pregnancy,” she said honestly. “We just don’t know.”

  “Infertility.” Carlee repeated the word, and it tasted sour on her tongue. She felt Matthew’s hand lightly caress the top of hers and then give her another squeeze. She never wanted him to let her go. “When can I go home?”

  “You still have some recuperation to do before we do anything, but I’d like to take care of some of the preliminary steps to get you ready for the radiotherapy while you’re here. I can tell you that riding in a car won’t be the most pleasant experience for a while. Many of my patients say the sensation of the car’s movement and the passing scenery is heightened – like the worst case of motion sickness ever. We’ll talk about discharge plans later, OK? I think you’ve got a lot to process. I’ll be back tomorrow to talk again,” the doctor said and turned to leave. “If you have any questions, you can call me,” she said returning to leave her card and added, “anytime.”

  “Thank you,” Carlee said.

  ~ ~ ~

  It was quiet for a while and finally, Andy said, “We’ll step out a few minutes, to give you two a little time alone.” He didn’t want to leave; he wanted to stay with her in case she needed him, but he went to her and kissed her cheek. Geni followed and pulled the door closed behind her. Andy grabbed her hand as they went down the hall to the solarium.

  Matthew scooted his chair close to her bed. He took her hand and brought it to his cheek. “I love you,” he said. “Thank you.”

  “Thank me?”

  “For keeping your promise. You were right, ya know. It is going to be OK.” He hugged her, and the tears came in a flood.

  ~ ~ ~

  That evening, Andy and Geni left to give them some time alone. They had a lot to think about. Carlee’s dinner tray was delivered for Matthew, and they brought Carlee thickened clear broth and apple juice. She was hungry, and the broth and juice filled her up.

  Later Hatchet returned for another check on Carlee. “We don’t have to do this quite as frequently,” she told her. “Everything has been good, and Dr. Lincoln said we could back off so you could get some good rest.”

  “Hatchet, can Matthew crawl up here with me for a while? I promise I won’t move.”

  “As long as you can be still.” She smiled and added, “I’m going home for a bit, and my friend, Rena, will be coming in every hour or so. Get some rest, princess. Prince Charming, behave yourself.”

  Once she was gone, Matthew crawled in beside her, “I just need you to hold me; I promise I won’t move a muscle,” Carlee said.

  He did, and a long time passed. Wrapped in Matthew’s arms, Carlee was very quiet. “What’s on your mind, sweetheart?” he asked, brushing a kiss along her temple.

  She turned to him but didn’t say anything at first, just looked into those eyes that always showed her love.

  “What is it, Carlee?” Matthew asked.

  “Are you worried that we might not be able to have children?” she asked, finally.

  “I’m not worried. I’m sad because this thing happened to us that might take away our right to choose. Are you concerned about me with that thought?” he asked, pulling her close. “Because you shouldn’t be; we’re in this together, for better or worse right? You said everything would be OK, didn’t you?”

  “I never thought about us having a family, not really, until last night. Even when we were concerned that pregnancy may have been what I was experiencing with the nausea. I just never thought about it. And now we’re being told we might not be able to. I just keep thinking how beautiful our babies would be,” she smiled at him, running her fingers through his hair.

  “I think so, too. But Carlee, let me give you another way to think about it,” he said, not missing a beat. “Andy had no part in what an outward beauty you are, but he had plenty to do with the inner beauty that glows from everything you say and do…” He pulled her closer and kissed her.

  “Matthew Davis…”

  “Yes, wife?” he laughed.

  “I love you…” Carlee said.

  “I love you right back.”

  ~ ~ ~

  The nurse slipped quietly into the room, observing the young couple sleeping, Matthew curled so close to Carlee that they seemed to be one, and she smiled. She looked over the monitors and finally, lightly touc
hed Carlee’s arm. “I’m Rena. Sorry to interrupt, Miss. Just need a few minutes.” She took her temperature and blood pressure, and Matthew never stirred.

  The nurse slipped out, and Carlee watched the sleeping man beside her, loving him more than life, and again she prayed…

  ~ ~ ~

  Friday morning, when she opened her eyes, Matthew was not there. She felt sad, missed him - hated the thought that he’d left. A moment later he entered the room.

  “Hey, look at you!” he said with a big smile and a cup of coffee. “I can’t imagine it, but you look even better than when you opened your eyes yesterday.”

  She remembered being asleep in his arms, remembered the feel of him holding her, and she let out a sigh. The nurse, Rena, returned. “Good morning sunshine!” And Carlee remembered her being there a few times in the night, never really awake enough to process that she was, but she remembered it.

  “Can I have a sip of that coffee?” she asked the nurse as she took her vitals.

  “Give it a try and see what happens. You’ll know if you can drink more,” she said with a smile and left them.

  Matthew handed her the cup, “Oh man, that’s the best worst cup of coffee I’ve ever had!” she said, and they both started laughing.

  “Mom and Andy are on the way, and according to Rena, Tamara is on her way to talk to us about what’s next,” he said kissing her cheek.

  “A sponge bath!” Hatchet said entering the room.

  “Whatever,” Carlee replied sarcastically.

  A tall blonde-haired, younger man knocked and stuck his head in. “Ross Malphress,” he said. “I’m the physical therapist, and I’m here to move you around some to assure your circulation is good and to keep you from getting stiff. Mr. Davis, if you’d like to stick around, I’ll show you what we’re doing, and you can help when I’m not here.”